If you were feeling like you were going to end it all then that was a dark and dangerous place for you to be, if I have understood you correctly. I would encourage you to reach out for any help that is offered and try not to worry overly at the moment about transference and things like that. If you start feeling more stable then you can decide to pull back or not see the Pdoc or have a different plan, but right now I would think it is a good plan to reach out and be honest about how things are for you. I hope you feel better soon