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Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie
He totally ignored all the things in my email I needed him to pick up on like "Sometimes I do not think it is any technique or modality you use that brings about progress, healing, and or change but it is the interaction we have." and "You are the only healthy way I have been able to calm it but in the same time It is not permanent because "you" are not real." Instead he focused on this; " When I think of never going back to session, instead a sense of relief, everything came flooding right back in. The throwing up, the not wanting to live, intrusive thoughts of self harming, the heavy emptiness, sadness......all the things that got me into therapy to begin with." He used that as a target for EMDR to see if a childhood memory would come up associate with it and session ended early and I do not feel any better.
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I agree with feralkittymom, can you find a way to state clearly to your T something like: "I need discuss to discuss some things that I wrote in my email and hoped you would pick up on. These things worry me and I feel like I need some kind of resolution or better understanding about them"?
It seems to me an overall positive thing that you can observe:
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"You are the only healthy way I have been able to calm it but in the same time It is not permanent because "you" are not real."
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even if that observation is worrying. And, for what it's worth, I think it's OK that it's like that right now. Perhaps your T can reassure you about that, if you can ask him directly. It also seems to me that that observation may be part of what "working through" may be -- to experience your T both as his real, objective, other person AND who he is to you, as you are experiencing him. If that makes any sense.
I also agree with satsuma, that what you are experiencing in therapy currently seems not so bad as what life was like for you without therapy.