Moxie, I don't know the ins and outs of your therapy. But therapists will often not respond to statements they believe distort the relationship into something unhealthy. In your statements, you are casting him as the source of your healing. Ethical therapists will not feed such thoughts because they take the focus off your empowerment. He rightly focused attention on the harmful behaviors you cited, trying to diminish their power. He's doing what he should to lessen distress.


You said earlier that your bulimia, self-harm, etc behaviors had lessened since you've been seeing him. That seems like evidence to me that the therapy he's providing is competent. But you clearly have feelings that are trying to shape the relationship in a way that does not support health--and he is resisting them, as he should. That certainly results in painful frustration for you, but the alternative would be very unhealthy.


You also don't seem to be direct with him about what you're feeling: you want him to "pick up on" your feelings, rather than openly discussing them in a more observant way. That's usually seen as a kind of acting out of needs--whenever you engage in the hope (consciously or unconsciously) of provoking a particular reaction or feeling to fill a need, rather than acknowledging your feelings openly about the need. The degree to which you can observe yourself doing this (before, during, or after), and the more honest you can be with him about it, will effect progress and diminish the painful feelings. But at least in this example, he seems to be responding in a productive way.