I was/am shocked to learn that my father did not recognize his behavior as abusive or feel any remorse - not only that, but he told other people his kids didn't want contact with him because we had been brainwashed by our mother (not true).

I recently came across this and felt like it really resonated:

A Narcissist's Prayer

That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did...
You deserved it.