Quote:
Originally Posted by Blueberrybook
I ran less today, and the stupid ED thoughts won't shut up.
I tried to take a new avatar photo, but I am looking so gaunt in the face, it's horrible. I did not re-hydrate properly after running a ton yesterday and then a lot of errands on my feet. Though I didn't really feel like it, I went to the corner grocery store & got some Powerade. I am drinking it now and realizing I am very, very thirsty.
Blue_Bird, how are you doing?
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I hope you're able to fight the ED thoughts
I'm doing okay. I feel like I'm constantly battling myself internally with the restricting thing. It took me hours to decide whether or not to drink a cup of coffee because I wanted to put a little bit of creamer in it and I was scared to do that. Part of me wants to recover, part of me wants to lose, lose, and lose more. I feel like if I give in once I'm "losing control". I did eat today, probably not as much as I should but at least I'm eating somewhat normal. I went grocery shopping and got some healthy stuff. Stopped and looked at the bakery section for maybe 2 seconds then walked on. It would just end up in a binge/purge, so I resisted the temptation
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“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
Diagnosis:
Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type
PTSD
Social Anxiety Disorder
Anorexia Binge/Purge type