Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue_Bird
I hope you're able to fight the ED thoughts 
I'm doing okay. I feel like I'm constantly battling myself internally with the restricting thing. It took me hours to decide whether or not to drink a cup of coffee because I wanted to put a little bit of creamer in it and I was scared to do that. Part of me wants to recover, part of me wants to lose, lose, and lose more. I feel like if I give in once I'm "losing control". I did eat today, probably not as much as I should but at least I'm eating somewhat normal. I went grocery shopping and got some healthy stuff. Stopped and looked at the bakery section for maybe 2 seconds then walked on. It would just end up in a binge/purge, so I resisted the temptation |
The coffee thing is still major ED thinking. Coffee with creamer is nothing. IDK, it used to be with my ED, I’d set a goal, reach it, set a lower goal, reach it, set an even lower goal, reach it, etc., etc. Nothing was low enough. Now I am trying to maintain, but it is at a low weight for my height.
I can’t remember...In actuality, according to actual BMI or what your doctor says, not what you or your ED think, are you overweight, underweight, or normal weight for your height? Not to pry, and you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.
I don’t know why I don’t want to gain. I’d tell any other person in my situation to stop exercising, eat more, and gain weight. Although I actually do eat pretty normally, I just exercise so much, it is hard to make up the calorie deficit on a normal diet, even eating things like pie or cake or chocolate most days.
I hate losing control too. That is what my life feels like right now, spiraling out of control, especially this past year...stupid EDs
