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Originally Posted by koru_kiwi
good description. and since Ts are human too, they also are going to be (unconsciously) seeking out their old traumatic patterns in others, i.e. most likely with their clients, to repair their past defunct relationships. this is where i reckon it's incredibly important for a T to understand and have their own sh#t clearly sorted, especially before taking on particular clients who will have a tendency to stir up the counter-transference feelings of the T. just like my T often triggered my transference, i definilty know i had a tendency to do the same for him. many of the problems that arose in our relationship was when he didn't know how to handle those stirred up feelings appropriately in my therapy, often wasting time with repairing of ruptures of his creating for his sake and distracting from the work i wanted to address in my therapy.
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Sure. One thing I know though is that no one can sort out their **** completely in one life time, and, by that, I mean healing all the wounds during one's life. It's just not possible. All you can do is to be aware of what triggers you, to define it as your limit and not to go beyond it. All this talk about therapists needing to "resolve their own issues" is nonsense. No one can resolve their issues to the point that they will be immune to any triggers and transference reactions. All a therapist can do is to be aware of their wounds and what triggers them and simply not go there. This, like it or not, implies that the best thing a therapist can do not to let their transference to interfere with the work is to refer a client out if it feels like "too much" to handle emotionally. I know, many people will hate this proposition because terminations are painful and can also be traumatic, but the only alternative for a therapist is to continue to see a client who triggers them emotionally, which will inevitably lead to the therapist's transference getting the best of them, and THAT will cause a much worse trauma than a termination would.
I know that whenever it gets tough for a therapist to handle the work emotionally, the standard thinking is that they should deal with this in their own therapy, but, while it is certainly necessary to attend to their emotional state in therapy or otherwise, the notion that talking to a therapist will resolve counter-transference reactions is pure BS. It sounds great in theory, but it doesn't work in practice. If you are a therapist and you get a new client, who reminds you of your abusive father and that triggers your traumatic symptoms, you have to refer the client out ASAP for their and your own sake. Do not wait until the work proceeds to the point where the termination will be difficult for a client to handle. And don't hope that talking about it in supervision or with your own therapist will resolve the issue.
I wish my therapists had referred me elsewhere in the mindful and ethical way before things went south instead of dragging it to the point where it was impossible to terminate ethically.