Next Tuesday I'm getting laser surgery so that I don't have to wear glasses or contact lenses anymore. It's my Christmas present. I really hate glasses, and have had to not wear contacts in preparation for this surgery, so I've probably worn glasses more in the last 3 weeks than in the last 15 years! They are driving me nuts.

At the same time, I'm pretty stressed about my kids and my bad parenting skills, and I'm tired of dealing with it, and feel like I'm just barely treading water. I told T I would not have any crises this year, but at this point it would be so much easier to stop fighting it. My depression quiz is gaining about 5 points per week and now is up to 61. It would probably go down some if I tried it at times other than when I've gotten myself worked up over something.

Today was ok in the morning. I went to the pre-op appointment, and my eyes have felt strange all day because of drops they put in, and I couldn't focus close up. Meeting Gloria for lunch was really nice. But after that it went downhill. Mark lectured me all the way home about Carol (10-year-old daughter), and her feeling dumped on, and feeling picked on because we tell her to pick up after herself, but we (Carol says Mark, but Mark includes me in it) don't. On Wednesdays I ask the kids to all help and clean the house, and I work on it along with them, but they complain and run off, and I spend more time trying to get them to stay on-task than getting anything done. Mark sat and played computer games. Usually he's not home when we do that, so it's not a big deal, but we all resented that he didn't help at all, except to yell at people. There's more to it, but I'm more and more sensitive to all the yelling, and feel horrible when I break down and yell too.

I've cut twice this week already, and today was clawing at my back with fingernails, and using pins. And jumping rope with a sprained ankle from last week. It doesn't hurt a lot anymore, but is still swollen and sensitive.

I'm worried about the eye surgery because it would be so easy to just not follow directions and mess something up. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't report it if something was going wrong. I would regret it, though, if I messed up my eyes. So, I need somebody to be accountable to about this. Would you all like to help me? I asked Angela, and she said she would, but it doesn't seem fair to put so much on her, so I decided to post about it here. I guess all I really need to do is report in each day. Here's what I'm supposed to do:
[list][*]not wear contact lenses (i've been cheating once or twice a week just because i get so tired of wearing glasses)[*]fill a prescription for antibiotics[*]after the surgery (Tuesday) take the antibiotics (i don't know how long)[*]use eyedrops (a couple of different kinds)[*]wear sunglasses during the day and eye shields at night for 3 days[*]not wear eye makeup[*]not touch or rub eyes

It would just be so easy for me to not bother following directions, and I don't even know what my mood will be like next week. I think it will help to have to report to somebody about it though.

Thanks,
Wendy