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Originally Posted by Ididitmyway
Sure. One thing I know though is that no one can sort out their **** completely in one life time, and, by that, I mean healing all the wounds during one's life. It's just not possible. All you can do is to be aware of what triggers you, to define it as your limit and not to go beyond it. All this talk about therapists needing to "resolve their own issues" is nonsense. No one can resolve their issues to the point that they will be immune to any triggers and transference reactions. All a therapist can do is to be aware of their wounds and what triggers them and simply not go there. This, like it or not, implies that the best thing a therapist can do not to let their transference to interfere with the work is to refer a client out if it feels like "too much" to handle emotionally. I know, many people will hate this proposition because terminations are painful and can also be traumatic, but the only alternative for a therapist is to continue to see a client who triggers them emotionally, which will inevitably lead to the therapist's transference getting the best of them, and THAT will cause a much worse trauma than a termination would.
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thanks for sharing this. i absolutely agree with this...none of us will ever be done with our own healing and it is a lifetime process. and like you said, unfortunately all a T can really do is be aware of the things that may trigger them or be an issue. unfortunately, if they run into a client that ticks all those boxes, then the most ethical thing to do, so no harm is done, is to refer the client on, which also can open up a new layer of complexity or distress for that client.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ididitmyway
I know that whenever it gets tough for a therapist to handle the work emotionally,[B] the standard thinking is that they should deal with this in their own therapy, but, while it is certainly necessary to attend to their emotional state in therapy or otherwise, the notion that talking to a therapist will resolve counter-transference reactions is pure BS. It sounds great in theory, but it doesn't work in practice. If you are a therapist and you get a new client, who reminds you of your abusive father and that triggers your traumatic symptoms, you have to refer the client out ASAP for their and your own sake. Do not wait until the work proceeds to the point where the termination will be difficult for a client to handle. And don't hope that talking about it in supervision or with your own therapist will resolve the issue.
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i agree and thanks for pointing this out. my ex-T had his own therapy before becoming a T and then when he was getting his accreditation to practice in my country he had to complete three years of ongoing therapy. he also had fortnightly regular supervision. none of those things were enough to ward off his counter-transference that was becoming stirred up. it may have helped him to understand himself better, but by that point, he had already reacted negatively or harmfully towards me and the damage to our therapeutic relationship was already done. it did nothing to prevent it from happening in the first place, and honestly, i do believe that he was a bit 'cocky' when he started working with me, thinking that he had already done all of the work he needed to do. what was playing out in our relationship was enough to find those deeply buried unacknowledged issues of his.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ididitmyway
I wish my therapists had referred me elsewhere in the mindful and ethical way before things went south instead of dragging it to the point where it was impossible to terminate ethically.
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see, that is where i believe the majority of the conundrum is. reflecting back, i know my ex-T should have referred me on as well, but by the time 'the sh#t hit the fan', it was too late. i was already deeply attached (traumatically bonded) and in such a 'fragile' state that if he would have sent me on, i probably would have lost all hope and 'offed' myself. so he was definilty in a difficult situation and walking a fine line. it just goes to show the complexity of this entire situation...wounded people trying to cure other wounded people. and due to my own (unsatisfying) therapy experince, i am doubting and questioning if this is the best or even ethical method to utilise...???
