Quote:
Originally Posted by Anne2.0
I guess I'd say that I didn't say these things. It's not about having a "problem" with compassion/understanding for others-- though you didn't do such a great job understanding me in my post. Nor did I claim it wasn't a deeply rooted issue that is undeniably complex; I didn't claim otherwise. And I've been, as I said, in the box where I mock the very idea of having compassion for myself or being willing to see myself for who I am.
What I did say was that self compassion and understanding promote a greater "enhanced" understanding and compassion for others, as a sort of encouragement to work towards it. No one ever admits they don't have unlimited compassion and understanding for others, but it does grow as you work on yourself, in my experience. It's not something I would have thought would turn out like it did, and my comment was just a tiny suggestion of reframing how one can think about self compassion. There were times when the idea of growing towards the others in my life in the way I couldn't do directly for myself was a motivator.
That's all. Sorry for missing the helpfulness boat.
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I was being sincere when I said I appreciated that you were trying to be helpful. My response was a lot more about me and my issues than about your response itself.
For context, compassion and empathy for others is something I sometimes struggle with having too much of to the point that I have difficulty allowing myself to feel anger about some things that happened. I'm trying to work towards allowing myself to believe that my own feelings matter too, and I feel guilty for that because part of my brain is telling me it's wrong to not completely suppress my own feelings for the sake of others.
While I understand how reframing it to use others as a motivator can be helpful, for me that would be reinforcing the type of thinking that I'm trying to change.
This is something I'm constantly struggling with and I was feeling very conflicted and vulnerable about a "victory" that was really really difficult for me, and the response inadvertently felt like it was reinforcing the ideas that I'm trying to challenge, and, while this is about my interpretation and not your intent, I felt like the significance, depth, and difficulty of this for me had been missed. This was why the phrase "useful qualities" rubbed me the wrong way—the difficulty in allowing myself to have compassion towards myself is inextricably linked to my self loathing, guilt, shame, self harm. It is
the fundamental issue for me.
None of this is to say your response was inherently wrong, and this isn't something I think you should have known unless you're a mind reader.
My response was things I'm trying to convince myself of and convince myself are okay, and this whole thing is one giant sore spot for me.
I really do appreciate that you took the time to respond in a genuine attempt to be helpful, so thank you for that kindness, and I really am glad that reframing it has allowed you to make some progress.