Moxie - maybe you need more than exclusive EMDR at the moment? Is there no flexibility? I would really miss being able to have an 'off day' session and talk about random stuff, I think those sessions can be helpful in other ways. It's good that you are doing better but it sounds as though your feelings for him are becoming more difficult to deal with?

I wanted to edit my previous post, as I felt as though I didn't articulate myself well regarding how therapy and therapist deal with transference. Also, I'm aware that I am speaking solely from a psychoanalytic perspective, because that's all I know. I can't edit it, so I'll put it here - I think that therapy and therapists can help with attachment issues... obviously, that's the bread and butter of the work but what concerns me is how very intense love transference is handled in therapy and whether the therapy setting (framework, therapist's flexibility etc) helps or hinders the process of moving forward (to a place that isn't as painful/chaotic/suicidal etc). It feels to me that the therapy setting is still very much based on an old patriarchal principle of how therapy works... so that even when the client is telling the therapist - this isn't working or I'm stuck - this is usually ultimately put down to the clients defences and/or resistance. I'm sure most therapists would also look internally too but ultimately it comes down to the client's internal world because that's the point of therapy.

In connection to that, a client will most likely know very little about what is going on in the therapist's life. So again, clients are more often than not taking the burden for everything that might go wrong... like getting stuck or getting worse. This is what I find very frustrating in therapy, it's spoken about like it's a partnership and indeed, both parties are working but the client will usually not know if something has 'gone awry' on the side of the therapist. I'm not sure what the answer is but I think more openness (that is appropriate) is needed and ultimately more flexibility in approach towards the individual.

I got very stuck for a while and was close to giving up. It seems very likely to me now, looking back, that he was also going through a difficult time in his personal life. He was not not a terrible therapist but I think he was struggling with something on his side. I wish I'd known that then or had some hint but he was quite adamant that it was my past that was colouring my experience. Things are better now thankfully but mainly due to me consciously being less dependant and being a bit more resilient.