I relate to what you said about not being ready to feel some things. After I read that and thought about it I realized that I'm scared to feel it. When I start to imagine actually letting myself feel it I'm scared I'd just start crying and never stop. I don't know how to soothe or comfort myself, I only know how to hurt myself.

OMG this is a variation of the email I wrote to my doc yesterday. I spent the whole day running away from myself and my feelings because I was deathly afraid that if I felt then....who knows. Implosion? I told my doc that cryingvwas too milky a word for it, it was too strong, too deep, too powerful and frightening for just crying and I wanted no part of it.

But when I read this I felt that there was a little tendril linking me to you as suffering similar stuff at the same time, so not so alone in the world. Also felt that if this was not just me, if this was a understood or expected reaction to Cptsd healing, then, this too shall pass. Which is good as had gone back to SI which is bad and was just about to bring that up with my t now. That am struggling. But this has made it a bit better. Sending warm vibes.