Not meaning to hijack your thread here it is:

Every year now that my dad is gone since 2015. Christmas isn’t the same he was Santa giving out presents to everyone, making corny jokes, inappropriate gestures(he had a stroke in 2011), playing Beatles music [emoji445], and drinking egg nog. He didn’t exactly enjoy the holiday he loved Halloween. But he did this for me and my sister. He died from blood cancer i forget the correct term for it started with an M...I watched since 2011 my dad deteriorate before my eyes after the stroke had left him with paralyzed on the right side of his face his speech was impaired and he now was no longer an adult he was 5 years old. I went from his daughter to his caregiver I knew this way was coming I just didn’t know it was going to be when I was in my 20s. I wasn’t prepared, I wasn’t sure I was be able to step up to the plate. When the tables turn in life either we run away or we step up and do the right thing.

My dad had mental health issues he had OCD, depression and anxiety. I am sure being his daughter with his OCD I am different I am more critical of how things look or piece together. I have my own diagnosis though it’s BPD with psychotic features, depression and Social Anxiety.

The first I felt belonged in this world for Christmas was in 2005 doing a National Youth Volunteer Program called Katimavik. I learned lots of things and my family is about material gifts where katimavik my family we did it about kindness and giving. We gave back to the community by cooking and serving everyone who comes to the local food bank on Christmas for lunch. Actually I was elected to cook since I used to do that for a living before I had joined katimavik. We made 15 turkeys and 4 hams. I told them to buy turkey cookers it saves on oven space. There was no counter space while the birds cooked. But as soon as they were done we elected someone else to carve them. We made 6x 20lb bags of potatoes for mash. Other people in there group peeled them all Outside in the snow. I made the gravy helped with the seasonings of all the products put on the table. In the end I believe Christmas Eve was the busiest time the time of that year.

Anyways long story short my memories of that are good but now I have decided not to buy large expensive gifts for this Christmas [emoji319]. I am on disability and money is tight I have bills, I need winter clothes, & food in my belly. I also rather be around my friends then around my family. My family is blood but they are not genuine those that are not my dad. They made promises after my dads memorial on Halloween in 2015. That they never kept. I have learned that you cannot rely on blood family for anything they will always let you down.

grinch or Saint Nick with a lump of coal is my idea.