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Yes, I can do and say what I want regardless of what he would say, but when I'm criticized I become very angry and lose control of myself, and start yelling and doing things, and then everyone would thing I'm a bad person because I'm confronting my parents.
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sounds like DBT Emotional Regulation Section would be valuable skills for you to learn.
Hmmmm.....I never valued my parents opinions so I just went & did what I thought was right without caring what they thought. It taught me a great amount of independence. Did I fight with them....you bettcha. Did I care what others thought of my fighting.....not at all because I KNEW I was right in making the choices I made (usually well logically thought through)
My mom many times said that I was so different (probably just more confidence in the choices I made) that she was sure they gave her the wrong baby in tje hospital when they brought me home. I always responded with the fact that she had no idea how hard I worked at not being like them. If I hurt her feelings.....that was her problem to deal with not mine. Maybe being an only child helped but I also had no one to talk to about my parents dysfunctional behaviors either....had to figure it out & respond the way I saw was necessary & fighting with them never bothered me.
The one time I thought I would try to stop fighting with them & really worked at it.....my dad opened his unwise mouth so I just thought "screw it.....you want a verbal fight.....bring it on" (I was in junior high)
I got along much better after I moved out but there were still some difficult times but both my mom & dad got some better & were awesome grandparents to our daughter. She did not see the same people in them as I did growing up....which was good for me....my mom still had her strange quirks up until she died in Jan 2005.
With good therapy after all those dysfunctional people are no longer in my life I often wonder how that therapy might have changed how I actually reacted to them in the first place. I saw a little of how it helped this summer when I went back to Calif to deal with legal issues with my NOW ex-H. I was actually in control of my emotions & my anger when he said & did things that would have triggered me before. I wonder if it was my better control of if I just hadn't been around it for 11 years so my anger level wasn't already FULL when dealing with him. It felt good to be in that control & I can see DBT skills I used.