Doh Thanks for your post.

Based on the previous responses I was beginning to feel like this problem and the niggling pain it was causing me was something I should ignore. So I was considering leaning in that direction. Then again, ignoring a problem seems like odd advice from a Psych website.

Just so you know, my wife also has an "celebrity crush" on the talk show host Craig Ferguson. She thinks he's handsome and funny, she checks his website often, watches his clips on youtube. We watch his TV show together. On my wife's request we went to see him live when he came to town.
I think he's great too. I tease my wife about him and make her laugh by using some of his same lines.
I'm pretty sure this is the kind of "celebrity crush" some of you folks are talking about.
It's quite another matter with Mr. Keith.

I'd like to address a couple of your responses though.

Sunrise: I watched the clip and read the snip. Sorry to be blunt here but it seems very disappointing to say the least that "Secret mommy crushes" are a good thing. Come on!
Take a very hard look at the context of that "news item".Take a good look at who's hosting the show, who the vast majority of the audience is and who the "Dr." is.
I gotta wonder in that context (a female run interview, with the vast majority being moms who watch it) sure, secret mommy crushes will be deemed "good".
If we flipped it though, to the "boy" side of things, I gotta think it's nearly tantamount to a bunch of construction workers at a strip bar telling each other how "right" it is to be there.
Sorry I'm not biting.

Perna: Thanks for the time you took to write and attaching the clip. I agree, Toby's a hunk, he's funny and writes cool songs. Yep there's a lot to like.
But, I don't think it's a matter of me trying to direct my wife's thoughts, and I didn't mean to give that impression. I'm wanting to bring a hidden difference, between my wife and I, into the light. I want to talk about it and get clarity on where we stand. I'm simply asking for advice on the most tactful way to do that...or if I should do it at all.

And I'm "stickin' to my guns" here: No, I don't think an obsession for another person outside a marriage is a good thing. I never will and no amount of "it's harmless" will convince me otherwise. I don't think my wife thinks it's okay either, based on the trust we've built up over 24 years of marriage and 5 years of dating...and based on the fact that she's *hiding* this obsession. The operative word being *hiding*. The fact that she's hiding her penchant for Toby tells me that she probably thinks it's wrong too.

Sure, part of me feels very betrayed. I wouldn't be in this forum if I didn't. And that part of me wants to sit down and start a conversation with her, like this: "Sweetie...we both know how much you enjoy Toby Keith. I want you to know that I know absolutely everything about how much you like him."

Another part of me loves her so much that putting my wife in that spot would be very painful and I'm tempted to simply ride it out and hope (as someone suggested) that this obsession will just simply pass.

And on top of that, the more I think about it, part of me wants to know if there's something in me, as her husband, where I've been lacking that would drive her to "crush" on another man in an attempt to fill the gap I've somehow created.

which way to go?