Ugh! Couldn't run as much as I wanted to today, earbuds kept falling out. My old ones broke, and I ordered new earbuds (can only seem to keep the kind with the hook on while running) which got here today.

AF is supposed to start Friday; I am having bloating from that.

Pdoc thinks I am getting manicky, has upped my Seroquel from 400 to 500 mg. Seroquel is a big weight gain drug for many, not for me so far, and it had better stay that way, or I will go back to 400 mg. Actually, it's weird, I do OK on the normal Seroquel, but the timed release was bad, I was exhausted, just wanted to sleep and was hungrier than normal and had no energy to exercise. But most people have the opposite experience than mine. I'm just weird, I guess.

Pharmacy had to order the extra 100 mg Seroquel, so I will start it tomorrow night.

Feeling so lazy not exercising much. I hate EDs. I need to get back to the point where the ED is not consuming as much of my life as it is. Maybe if I'm less manicky, it will help?

I'd like an end to mixed bipolar anyway, though often I crash & burn into depression or complete emotional numbness after mania (I haven't been mixed this long ever, since the end of March 2018, possibly as early as Jan. 2018 from my old pdoc's notes, they said something like "heading toward mixed?"). But my full mania usually ends in bad depression. I am hoping this is hypomania since I'm still sleeping around 5 hours a night, not awake all night or getting 2 hours broken sleep, tops. Though last time, the pdoc got the BP mania stabilized (and she had a job of it), and then the panic/anxiety disorder shot through the roof. I just feel like I can't ever win. Oh, and then the ED decides to run for first place from time to time. I can't say it has ever gone 100% away, but it's definitely been better. There were even some times it rarely bothered me, or I 100% ignored the ED thoughts and invalidated them with what was real versus my perceptions of real.

Sorry to go on so long. I get hypergraphia more & more when manicky. My last manic episode, I couldn't stop writing to save my life, post-it notes, papers, notebooks, writing scrawled everywhere, and it was practically automatic; I just could not stop until I was pulled away.