I ended up taking the trazodone at 2:15am because I still had no signs of falling asleep. I woke up at 6:15 to put in my absence. I didn’t want to tell my mom I wasn’t going to work because she wouldn’t believe me when I said it was because of a cold. She would have grilled me on depression and sleep. So I left the house as normal and went to target for some Christmas gifts and then drove around till I was sure she had gone to work.

The cold isn’t TOO bad, just a very sore throat and a cough. If I had gotten enough sleep I probably could have made it through work. But I didn’t so I stayed home and slept all day. Slept from 9:30a to 2:30p. I still feel like **** from the cold but I’m not as tired. Think I’m going to skip taking my son to swim lessons today though. I don’t want to have to take two days in a row off so I need to rest as much as possible so I feel better tomorrow.

I have to tell RS about my past with self injury. Things got pretty far last night in terms of intimacy. If we get fully intimate, which we plan to do Saturday, he will see all the ugly scars. I don’t want him to be shocked or disgusted. I figure if I tell him he can make the decision whether it’s too much for him to deal with or not. I’d rather know now. And I can’t hide it anyway. My scars are numerous and obvious. I’m nervous though. But I figure if he can’t deal with it it’s better to know that.