We went together. It was nerve wracking. She asked me how I felt and I just handed the note over. Her smile faded a little while reading but recovered quickly. I was so anxious and sad that I almost started crying, feeling so exposed but I kept it together. She asked what my mood was and I said 6 but it can change hourly. She said I'm very positive for how much I'm going through. She sees me in to two months.

I think I might go back to therapy at the other center. The only bad thing is they won’t share notes. However they will be willing to get us all in around the same time. They can meet 1x a week instead of every other week. However the center we’re at you can take the bus and walk 3 blocks and be there. I just don’t know if I can walk that far. I know it doesn’t sound like a lot but I start hurting just walking around our small apartment. There is a van that may be able to pick us up. I know therapy’s hard but my last therapist made me feel like I was wasting both of our times. She said this while I was having really bad psychotic thoughts. So I’m not sure I’m ready to go back to her or anyone else. If I do go back I want a male therapist. The woman I have seen are too new agey or completely clueless.

We have yet to decide what we are doing. I know therapy is hard but sometimes showing up is hard enough and talking is enough. I do need a reminder that I’m there. I scare away most therapists. I feel done with therapy but I do trust her. She didn’t overreact or try to place us in IOP. I’m hoping a therapist can convince Miguel to take his meds regularly and see a pdoc. I can’t force him.