I'm not sure my response will help any, but I sounds like it's not about the bodywork in itself that is the problem. It sounds like the potential of failing and being judged for not getting it "right" is causing a lot of pressure and stress.

Which I can relate to because most of the reasons you listed above as to why you think you aren't open to the experience I have felt. Although, I react differently. For me, if my T had suggested this I probably would have awkwardly agreed to go along with it and then would have half heartedly pretended to get into it, just plainly of the pure fact that, I feel if I go along with others suggestions and give them what they are looking for then I wouldn't get judged harshly or made fun of.

I don't have to say why that hasn't been the best approach to going to therapy. But anyway, I think you should maybe talk about what you wrote here and share it with your therapist. Explain that you would feel more comfortable talking through this instead of bodywork or why you feel so uncomfortable with the idea of bodywork in the first place.

Maybe try emailing him or printing out what you want to say to read during your next session. Anxiety is a real tricky ****** and for me, if I don't write down or email my T, I literally won't bring it up. It's like I could go to a session with the intent to talk about it but once I'm sitting there in the room, anxiety has got me in the this choke hold and I'm acting like everything is fine, even when my therapist is asking me, "Is there anything else you'd like to talk about?"

You brought up c-ptsd and childhood trauma. I reading this book by Susan Forward called Toxic Parents, that really breaks down the different ways bad parenting can have life long affects and suggestions on how to break the personal cycle and explain the thinking of a child who grew up with toxic parents. I'm not really into self help books but this one is split into 2 parts. part one explains the different kinds of toxic parenting and has personal accounts shared and then part 2 breaks down how to regain control of your own life in a step by step guide that isn't for once complete optimistic bs.

Another thing that might help is trying to reword the way you think of a situation or yourself. It's kind of hard to explain since my therapist was the one explaining it to me but basically an example would me how I use words like awkward a lot when referring to myself. My therapist challenges me to instead of thinking "I'm awkward at talking to new people," think, "I'm not awkward with meeting new people, just giving my specific circumstances that apply to me, I haven't had much opportunity to meet and talk to a lot of new people and so it is still new to me."

When I think about it that way, it relieves me of some of the pressure I am putting on myself and turns my negative thought about myself into something more progressive and positive because at least I am trying.

I feel like I'm rambling a lot and just kind of jumping all over the place, so I hope something here can help you, even if it's just a little bit.

Honestly, I was going to post a new thread of my own on advice for being more open with my own therapist, but I like to skim and see what else is already posted before I do my own.