Session today was good. Told T about the psychiatrist appointment yesterday and he said he was sorry that I had such a horrible experience with that lady. We talked about how it felt to be dismissed like that and how it confirms the feeling that I'm too much for anyone to want to help. We talked about past experiences with other Ts and Pdocs and how I was told that I wanted to feel this way before and how I was told that I was being manipulative by coming to the community mental health clinic on a day that I didn't have an appointment and just asked to speak to my T for a few minutes because I was in crisis. .. That incident was about 4 years ago. But we talked about how those experiences still affect me and make me worry about reaching out for help between sessions or saying too much of what's going on in my head. T says that it causes a bit of dilemma for me because those thoughts are why I'm in therapy and holding them in just hurts me. He didn't say it in a judgmental way, more of a comforting way to try go ease my mind that he's not going to drop me as a client because of anything I say. He says he knows saying it doesn't help much and basically only time helps me with trusting someone. He did offer to help me find a psychiatrist if that's what I want, so that is an option if I want to pursue it more. At the end of session he asked me if I would like to come in tomorrow as well with how difficult this week has been and I said I would if it wasn't for the funeral and my daughter's field trip. He told me I could call tomorrow then and he'll see me Friday morning. The only way I could see him tomorrow would be late in the afternoon or evening but I highly doubt he has that but I might text him in the morning and see if he does have anything available. H and I are supposed to have MC tomorrow at 4 but seeing him would be more helpful at this point.