Maybe he is worried that he is gay because of what he experienced. Maybe he is obsessed with being around other guys and tells gay jokes because it's his way of trying to get over what he experienced that he STILL struggles with even now OR, he needs to tell gay jokes because he is in denial and might actually be gay. As far as him not really paying attention to you and your needs? Well, it sounds like his own needs and challenge with never getting over what he experienced pretty much takes up all his attention where he is simply very SELF ABSORBED.

A lot of men really don't want to be gay even though they may have urges. I am wondering if he wants sex with you so much because its a part of him trying to convince himself he doesn't have a problem and is normal. Also, sometimes individuals do turn to religion in an effort to find some inner peace. IMHO, your husband should be seeing a therapist so he can get these deep frustrations out and vent.