How am I making him feel unsafe? I have not brought any of this up to him. If I am I really need to know what I am doing so I can work to change that?
Going to church with him is not an answer. I have gone with him in the past, more than once. As the counselor suggested a year ago to not go just because he wants me to. In the past, I gave him an ultimatum, now before you judge, please listen to why. I asked him to find another church, not to give up going altogether. I told him I would go with him. We would go as a family and find a place we both felt comfortable at. He had failed me as my husband a lot during his time at that church. He hurt me a lot. One major instance was when he was scheduled to work( volunteer) security for a concert at that church. I was pregnant with our third child, earlier that day I was having contractions and I was a scheduled c section. I was told by my doctor to go in if they started to get closer. By early afternoon I was in the hospital. Contractions slowed again so they sent me home. He left me with our two kids and went to volunteer that evening. I was still having sporadic contractions throughout that evening. I also cried all night laying with my two boys, trying to keep them close. I was a mess because of it. It wasn’t until after our son was born I had to put my foot down. He chose the church, and I went with him. Maybe I wasn’t ok with it and I was a bad person for my mood while going I don’t know, but I went. His best friend was actually in the process of leaving the church and his volunteer duties because of I still don’t know why exactly. At that same time, the pastor and many others would actually say things that made my husband look bad. It eventually pushed him out of the church and he left and followed a junior pastor to another church.
Eventually he left that church, but to this day says I was the reason. He stopped going to church for awhile, despite that I said I would go to another place with him, as he was clearly unhappy with not going to church. We tried a couple places, ( literally two) but he didn’t like any, and ultimately went to his friends church and that same scenario started all over again. It was brought up in counseling and our marriage intensive. I was told not to go if I did not really want to go. I have not gone. There are times he doesn’t go, but more often than not he goes. We don’t fight about it but there’s plenty of “I miss you even though you are here at the house and working from home everyday”
I do work a lot and for very little pay.
But it was a step i made to still work and still be here for the kids and not work 115 hours in two weeks outside of the home being exhausted when I was home. Now I can’t be out of the house for long because I work so much and ultimately can’t be away from the computer for long.