T,
You don't know how much pain/agony I have been in. You said, "Are you afraid of getting better?" I'm afraid of losing you, but my symptoms are real. I was hoping disability or FMLA would get me out of a painful situation if I needed it. I was hoping that someone would actually see how terrifying/painful it is and care enough to get me out of the situation. Such a childish thought. Sometimes it devastates me that other people know how things affect me and yet they don't do anything about it. I guess this is my rescue dream.

If I ever get to the point like I did in my previous jobs where I just can't take it, I will just quit and let the cards fall where they may. I KNOW when I can't take anymore. I hope to never get there again, but if I do, at that point I will be telling other people what I am doing. I will no longer wait for someone to save me. And I will no longer allow anyone else to determine whether or not I stay at work. If I end up in a women's shelter, than so be it. If I end up on the streets, then so be it. Or whatever. I refuse to put myself through what I have been through before, it is too damaging.

I have definitely made progress, as I am a lot better equipped to handle things. My paranoia has disappeared for the moment. You are helping me tons and I appreciate it. There is still a painful, emotional part of me that I suspect will be with me forever.