I’m a parent and I work with cancer patients, so I guess I’m used to taking care of people. My father passed away a long time ago and I’m estranged from my mother who has characteristics of dependent personality disorder and is married to a narcissist who makes all decisions for her and pretty much tells her how to think. So before I was estranged from her, I spent a lot of time taking care of her as well.

The other day as I was getting up to leave my session, I asked my T if he was working over the holidays. I assumed he was since he tells me months in advance if he’s taking time off, but I wasn’t sure since I have a standing appointment on Wednesdays which is the day after Christmas and I wasn’t sure if he considered that a holiday. I had been thinking that if a lot of clients cancel that week due to the holidays, I don’t want to be the only reason he comes in. I also expressed a little concerned about his Tuesday clients who will miss 2 weeks in a row because Xmas and New Year’s both fall on Tuesdays. I asked what he was doing with his Tuesday clients and he replied that they’d miss sessions or possibly reschedule. Then, as I was standing to leave, I said I didn’t want to be the only client coming in the day after Xmas and I’d be completely fine missing that week, and he said “Are you trying to take care of me?” I mumbled something about how I was just trying to be practical or efficient or something like that as I was walking out the door and said goodbye.

I would definitely act this way with anyone else in my life too. I am always very attentive to other people’s needs and desires. I consider myself strong and independent, but also not very pushy and somewhat people-pleasing. Since I’m in therapy, everything is put under the microscope and I’m trying to figure out how to think about this. Is this codependent behavior? If so, where is the line between being codependent and being a nice person? Anyone have similar experiences?