My Dr just refused to give me more sleeping pills. I only got 7 from the walk in and have 5 left. Even though Im fine if i get sleep.

Said it would be bad medicine and enabling like giving a pain killer to someone with a ton of bricks on top of them instead of taking the bricks off lol and that the other Dr only gave me some so I would come back and see her. Shes right too I told him I might not go to the appt he made for me and he told me I was going to have to or I would run out of sleeping pills. I feel stupid for falling for that little trick.

Apparently I bring so much tension to a room its like a rubber band about to snap lol and said that im higher than I was when I seen her a few weeks ago and even since I seen the other Dr. Mostly I found it all funny, except not getting what I came for and when she made me feel bad like I was doing something bad to my family. I dont know, i think my kids are happier cause I have fun joking with them and stuff. I yell and swear too but its not like i dont do that when im "normal"

She booked me for next week again but I dont know if I will go. And then my T emailed me and tried to book me next week too but im working at the time she said. I sent a bad email yesterday when i wasnt doing as well, like i was just agressive and hyper and I wish i wouldnt have sent it so i think i have to stop emailing too. I feel like its all a trap like they are gonna force me to take the meds or do something else if i dont come see them even if im fine. Yes Im a bita high but its not bad and Im sure I will be fine. Good sleep would help that though. They just want me medicated, evem though i wasnt until a couple years ago and i was ok then even if i wasnt completely stable. Why is that the goal anyway, why doesnt anyone want to fully feel the good and the bad. If it ends badly its nothing new to me I know how to be horribly depressed, they will never fix that anyway they just dont like me being up even though its not as bad. And if it ends even worse than that well its been a long time coming anyways.