mckell.. we share something in what you said.. after all the good things you still felt "attacked" after one thing did not add up to the perfect score... yes? Yeah, me too. i feel bad about it but i see i am doing it at all i guess... it's sad when we disover that we're not as "in control" and cool as we thought. (at least for me)

T makes me laugh, or laughs at stuff i say that strikes him funny... he knows how much i like that. He tells me he eats bunnies (chocolate variety). He swears bc he knows i prefer him to be real and that being real makes me feel more at ease. He cares... and even though he prefers i add up the sum of his actions instead of asking him.. he does care. He puts more into it than required by the exact letter, you know? There isn't an ejection button set to 50minutes... when he feels i need something he gives it to me... the debate becomes about agreeing on what i need exactly.

something i see in your last post that i dont think i have quite seen before is a layer of anger mckell... read those three statements again... being lecture, getting angry, *making* you ask for it... i will ask you rhetorically to think about those.. they don't seem related to the character of your T... meaning, her responses and actions seem to be read to you as having avoided triggers successfully, so where do those triggers come from? Let me explain... i'll pick the last one.. at the very beginning i too was nervous about having to ask about appts but that was because of the last T and how he had used timeframe in a poor way...it left me very skittish about it... but it didn't take long at all for me to get past that (mostly)... so i ask you, and myself for the "mostly" part, where does this bitter feeling come from? Who made you feel like you were being "made" to ask for such a simple thing? Who withheld what is taken for granted?

lots of people aren't offered earlier appts, even if they really obviously need them... and not because the t wants to make them ask... and in lots of cases that thought wouldn't enter either of their heads... because it isn't their issue. Blessings to your T for understanding this about you! Recognize that she isn't a mind reader tho k? Maybe give her an extra smiley face? How about next time you need one.. just beat her to it...ask? Trust her enough to know she would have offered it if she knew you needed it anyway... and trust her enough to accept that if she didn't offer it's because she missed the cue and not something bad.

ok..crap... i think i just lectured all over your first point. oops