Tomorrow.

I think I'm going to talk to you about my fear that I tricked you into thinking it was worse than it was or that I'm faking my response and convincing myself I feel this way, like a kid who fakes sick to stay home from school and actually convinces themselves to actually feel sick. Except I'm doing it for attention/sympathy.
But even talking to you about this feels manipulative because I'd partly being doing it just so you'd assure me it wasn't true.
And I want to tell you about my fear that you only believe it was "horrible" because you think there must have been worse stuff I'm not telling you.
But I'd partly be telling you because I'd want you to tell me otherwise. I want to manipulate you into saying it was really bad again and being able to hear that you really mean it.

I liked that you seemed a bit upset about it on my behalf. And that makes me feel guilty and even more like I'm exaggerating everything to get that reaction.

I don't know what I need from you right now. Do I need that validation, or is it just enabling and reinforcing my attention seeking behavior?
If I want something then I shouldn't be allowed to have it.

****, my mind is exhausting