I am angry and beyond irritated, I ended up hanging out with M after work trying to help him figure out what CME's he should take at an upcoming conference and I get bombarded the moment I get home. Work was great and anytime I can hang out with M is a plus but I can't keep doing this. I am sick of this and father. He suggested that my job is stressful and that maybe I should quit my dream job and go back to work to retail so I can focus on getting my Bachelor's Degree; that my grades have probably slipped and that he has taken the liberty of scheduling an appointment with the idiot NP I mentioned a few days ago; that my meds need to be changed. Since she seems to know all the stuff my doctor doesn't. My doctor has a MD from a pretty top school, she has a Nurse Practitioner degree from an online institution.

He thinks my doctor is wrong that I don't need a Cardiologist that since my Echo has came back perfect nothing is wrong. Um I still have a heart rate that terrifies most medical providers that isn't a Cardiologist. I still have an arrhythmia that requires medication.

He also thinks my medication isn't right, I have been stable and working since he put me on the dosage I am now. He thinks I am unstable and making horrible decisions that she can help me.

I like my doctor, he has done everything right in my mind. I am finally working and doing something I love and he keeps tearing me down and being a controlling idiot. I am seriously considering moving out this week. I can't keep dealing with him and his issues. I know I can be controlling but I have never been this controlling. He confessed that he is terrified of this job breaking me like the other job did when I was terminated unfairly.

I feel different at this job than I did at my old job. I am doing something that will advance my career, I have a great relationship with my boss, I don't trust her; but I don't trust a whole lot of people. My last session with my therapist he asked me to list the people I trusted. I could only put one name down, my doctor. I don't trust anybody because of what happened, I don't even trust my family. I am sick of him treating me like an unruly child that has issues. I am honestly the most stable I have been since April. My anxiety is being helped with medication I haven't bit my nails in over a month, the Seroquel has killed the depression and my hypo symptoms. Therapy is helping me with the PTSD, even though I still can't say certain names. I don't get why now when I am at my best he tries helping. What about when I was at my worst he told me to get out of bed that it couldn't possibly be that bad and that surely I didn't need to see my doctor for a panic attack. I know one thing is for sure; I'm not going to be home this weekend and I certainly am not going to be seeing that NP who will no doubt change my medication which will no doubt destabilize me. I will see my doctor Monday and he will see that I am making leaps and doing fine and that he will change my one month visits to every other month; which I am so ready for.

I am so ready to see my T tomorrow it isn't even funny. I am also staying the night at R's. Listened to his rant, canceled the appointment with the idiot. Packed on overnight bag and cute clothes for work and am now working on school work; which if anything my grades are stronger than they have ever been. I haven't missed an assignment or test. I want this degree and a Master's so bad I can taste it.

Hugs to everyone