hugs to everyone, extra hugs to those who are struggling

i'm sooooooo tired at the moment. for the past four or five nights i've had bad dreams about work that have made it hard to sleep. dreams about things being completely chaotic and having to try and regain control.

i am working tomorrow and then only on tuesday again, so glad i will be able to sleep late for a couple of days. since a was severely depressed about two months ago, i've struggled with being around my family. i don't live with them, but i had been spending quite a bit of time with my sister and niece and nephew - toddlers. the start of my deep depression coincided with having to spend a lot of time babysitting and finding it overwhelming, and now when i think of visiting i feel immediately overwhelmed with anxiety and dread. i definitely want to be a part of my niece and nephew's lives, but i don't know how to handle being around them. i'm not a person who finds kids easy - i have never thought of having children - and the loud noises like screaming and crying and shouting are very overwhelming.