Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight
Sorry you're dealing with something similar...One of the topics we discussed today is whether the pain and turmoil I experience as times as part of the therapy are worth it. Is it ultimately helping me, a means to an end? Or is it just causing me more misery at times? I am making some progress (both he and I confirm this), but, like, at what cost? As I mentioned in session today, I think I tend to drink more on days that I have therapy than any other day of the week. And I was awake for a while last night thinking about things with T--had I not talked about what I did in session yesterday, I could have had a good night's sleep (well, aside from my D waking me up a couple times...)
I ended up deciding to just see him Wed. of next week (instead of Mon. and Thurs.), then regular schedule the week after, because of the holidays coming up (which is a stressful time for me). I imagine I'll only see him once a week during the actual holidays, too (he'll be in town and working some days each week). And this is a bad time of year to look for new T...
Feel free to PM me, too, if you want to discuss more.
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I'm in this place too. I wonder if the holidays are exerting some kind of emotional pressure on already pressured spaces and relationships? I had the talk with my T too that for every week I trust hm there are ten I leave the session and fear gathers like cloud cover in my mind, and he is never there , having moved on to the next client. It's just hard for the human mind to confide intimately in someone who isn't an intimate. There is no such thing as a commodified heart-to-heart talk, and in therapy, only one heart os talking and the other one is doing a job. It's a paradox bc therapy requires more vulnerability, but that vulnerability doesn't engender a "normal" bond. One person is trying to evolve in life and one person is trying to evolve as a professional ( best case scenario if not coasting or distracted or burned out). I do so adore my T, and it just hurts bc he occupies now more of my attention than my real SO. Ugg.