I think the reason why my parents have had such an effect on me even when I'm not around them is the feeling of guilt. I had always returned normal with them because I felt guilty about how they might been feeling, not because they would make things right. But because of not talking about the dysfunctional dynamics in the family, and because we kept sweeping the problems under the carpet, and when we talked we fought and yelled at each others, now I'm in a state where I no longer can stand them, to the point that I don't want to see them again. Sure, I still feel guilty, but I must break this connection and be free and independent from their expectations and critical comments, because they won't change at this point, and their presence in my life is a source of anxiety and stress.