I apologize for this long post.

I feel listless today. I have been meandering through life for a couple decades now. Thinking about this is not helping me with my depression. Once again, I have spent money that I do not have to spend. What is wrong with me? I have not been able to get a job to pay off my debts. It seems that no one wants to hire me. I have applied at many of the big box stores like Target, Sears, Macys, Best Buy, and Dillards. All of them turned me down. I do not understand this. Is this age descrimination? I do not think so. Is this because I have a twenty year gap in my employment record? Why would this be a concern for this type of job? We are talking about part time retail work here. Many retirees have jobs like this with these same stores. There must be something wrong with me. In some cases, the prospective employer has never met me for an interview. They must be able to “smell” my mental illness before they even have met me. Oh well.

I have just found out my ex girlfriend, the mother of my daughter, lost her legal status here. The lawyer has been telling her that the immigration service has been working out a deal for her. What happened? Even her lawyer does not know what happened. We are now searching for another lawyer. I guess you get what you pay for. The legal services has been probono. This next one will cost money she does not have. This also has applied to my step son. He no longer has his work visa. This is probably President Trump at his greatest. I will miss them a great deal if they go back to Mexico.

Because of all of this, I have been feeling more depressed. There appears to be no solution to my current state of affairs. I am now afraid to look for my next job. Currently, I think I am not mentally fit for a job. My mind has not been working. Quite frequently I have been forgetting what I was doing at the time. I stop in the middle of a conversation unable to come up with the right words. I even have been forgetting what I was just talking about. I cannot think clearly. I have had to look up how to spell simple words. I have been leaving all sorts of things around the house, forgetting where I placed them. But then why am I able to write a coherent post like this one? What is going to happen next? I understand that Putin has been threatening to build more neuclear bombs. Wonderful. Just wonderful.

Woe is me. I hope all of you have been having a better time in your lives.

PS Right now words have been popping into my head, words that before this post I never knew I understood. Words from a long time ago. This also has been periodically happening to me. Bizzare. Really bizzare. Twilight Zone stuff.

PPS I see there have been only five threads here that others have posted to in this forum from yesterday. Is eveyone leaving this forum? I hope not.