First a recap of Thursday's session so Friday's will make sense. Went back and sat down. I complained about how a car had taken forever to get out of its parking space in the lot, making me almost late. That it was a sports car. Which led to brief discussion of cars and how T's last vehicle was a Jeep Wrangler, which surprised me a bit.

Talked about a conflict with a friend I'd had about some stuff discussed in the previous session about autism. And how I was worried I wouldn't be able to discuss it with the friend anymore. He gave some suggestions on ways I could still talk about it.

I described how I handled the conflict. T said he was blown away by how well I'd handled it. And he'd felt that way about how I'd handled some other relationships lately, too. That I seemed to definitely be making progress in that area. Which made me feel good. He said he wondered if it was different because most of these were online relationships. I said I wasn't sure, that I also talked to local friends over text/messenger, and I think I've handled some things with them well enough. But I think it would be different if the conflict happened when I was face to face with someone, that it would be more difficult to just change the subject if I found it getting tense. Or to step away for a bit. Though I had been doing better with that with H, come to think of it.

I guess we talked about some other stuff in there. I saw we had 20 minutes left and said I was debating which of two things to bring up. T: "Should I flip a coin?" Me: "Maybe...The first is a dream I had that's kind of screwed up." T: "OK." Me: "The other is kind of about the therapeutic relationship." I started tearing up as I said that. Me: "Damn it...I guess that means I need to talk about that, don't I?" T: "Probably."

I said there were a few areas I wanted to talk about. First "prong" was stuff I wanted to know about his son, but knew I shouldn't ask. Or that maybe I could ask, but that I doubted he would answer, and I understood that. Like I wondered if he was higher or lower functioning, if he was in [our county] public schools, if he had an IEP. Like, part of me wants to be able to talk to you as a fellow parent dealing with those things, but I knew that wasn't his role... T said I was right, that he wouldn't answer those, but understood my curiosity.

Then he asked what exactly ex-T had told me about his son. I said, "All she said was, 'He has a kid on the spectrum, too.' No other details." T said how what ex-T had told me, that had to be 8-year-old information, as that was when he'd last worked in the office with her. How it might not be accurate information anymore. I wasn't sure how to respond to that. Because...what? He hadn't denied it at the time I told him.

Second "prong" was more vague, that I'd felt particularly connected to him the past few weeks. He said we'd talked about topics further out in the circle, where our relationship is the center. How they was less emotionality and intensity. Me: "But they were emotional topics for me, ex-MC and D?" T: "I didn't say they weren't emotional. But not as intense as talking about the relationship." Me: "OK."

I said how I kept thinking "Things are good here as long as I don't talk about the relationship. But I also know that's not a good way to think..." He said that avoiding a topic puts a block in the relationship. I agreed. Me: "But I also feel like any of our conflicts or ruptures have been as a result of talking about the relationship. And if things are going well, I don't want to risk losing the connection." T: "But we always become connected again, right?" Me: "I guess." He said it's important to work through those things in a relationship, to know that it survives them. And that working through them makes the relationship stronger. Me: "I guess."

We were out of time. Confirmed next week, went over and paid. Shook hands as he said, "Have a good weekend." Me: "You too." T: "Take care." Me: "You too."

The stuff from the last part of the session started really bothering me later that evening, particularly about his son, so I ended up emailing him. He sent a long response (that he charged me for) the next morning, then offered me a 10:30 session that morning if I wanted it, as he said some of it would likely be better talked about in person. So I took him up on that (and canceled Monday's), partly because some of what he said in the email upset me even more. Will write that up in a bit.