Xynesthesia, you describe many things in the plus column regarding your addictions and success in relationships. Your successes alone evade many people.

I divide the motivation issue in at least a couple of categories: the drudgery maintenance tasks and duties, paying bills, laundry, maintaining a family business. I often require outside cues and deadlines, like tax requirements or running low on clothes to wear.

Then there is my optional creative work. I do best when I find the hook for these projects, so passion drives me. The "shoulds," all the externals about my vanity, competitiveness, need for approval etc. are irrelevant on my best projects. The work recruits me.