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Originally Posted by koru_kiwi
. . .
so i guess the real crux of my thinking in my prior post was wondering when a client remains in therapy long term, how much of that is of the clients own free will or how much is it influenced and maintained by the therapist triggering and perhaps feeding that fear which keeps the client 'stuck' in long . . .
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I don't think you're talking about therapists intentionally triggering fear here, are you? Although that probably could happen, too. But when the (unconscious transference-countertransference) dynamic going on in the therapy interaction triggers fear in the client, thus activating the responses of a "trauma bonding", which some clients are susceptible to becauase of previous unresolved trauma. Hence, a kind of catch-22 in going to therapy for that. And when under the spell of trauma bonding -- like Stockholm syndrome -- I think there is a legitimate question about how much a person's will is "free".
The problem -- as I know well -- is that when under the spell, or in the bind, one can't see it clearly.
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Originally Posted by koru_kiwi
. . .it was not just transference for me either but painful reenactments playing out over and over again. when i started to become more regulated in my emotions, i could see the difference between what i called 'healthy' and 'unhealthy' transference. the unhealthy transference was more about traumatic bonding. as the unhealthy transference began to fade for me i still encountered some transference with my ex-T, but it was manageable and i could work through it with ease. and that is the difference, the unhealthy transference was never workable. it just kept me stuck in a continuous loop spirally downward even further into despair.
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I find it so interesting -- and possibly helpful to others? -- that when you learned how to control your arousal through neurofeedback, and with the "unconditional positive regard" and commitment of your spouse, that you could make the distinction about your therapy which you couldn't previously. For people who find therapy an unconditionally safe place, they probably don't have that issue. But for lots of us, we do. And currently there isn't anything to help us identify what is going on, or to help prevent it from happening in the first place.