First of all, I tend to like your T, and I am not being negative about him overall. I just don't think this is his shining moment

He keeps the focus too much on himself, what he will and won't do and it is defensive.

On the other hand, you were amazing, honest and vulnerable. I am keeping in mind it is him to whom you feel you can be so honest, and he is good that way.

T: "I'm not saying if what she said was correct or incorrect." Me: ??? T: "She shouldn't have said anything at all." Me: "I know. But she did. And then you didn't say it was wrong. So I assumed it was accurate." T: "Again, I'm not going to say whether it's accurate or inaccurate, just that it was 8-year-old information."

This is why I think it is more an enactment than therapy- his final comment here should have been exploring you, what it all means to you. Instead he doubles down on his own issues.

There's no sense of the mystery of otherness here, the wonder of other people and the need to listen, explore, keep myriad theories open ended to learn experientially in this comment. He is really needing authority , even though you came in apologizing and trying to appease him by saying you asked for too much( which you didn't)

T: "OK. I obviously haven't had all the same conditions and experiences that my clients have." Me: "If so, you'd probably be on a lot of meds..."
T: "Right. But I have almost 20 years of talking to people about their experiences. Plus my training. So I feel like I have an understanding of most all of those experiences. That I get it. Without necessarily having to have experienced it myself." Me: "OK, that makes sense."

Through this post, it is like role reversal- you are validating him, you are listening, you are putting his perceptions first over your own, and you are very insightful .

He is not validating, empathizing, intervening, exploring, attending etc.

T: "Plus, if it was something I experienced myself, that can be more different, because I'd be seeing it partly through the lens of my experience rather than just the client's. Say, for example, back surgery. I haven't had back surgery, but if I had, and a client came in who was going to have it, I'd likely be thinking of my own experiences with it and talking about that instead of focusing completely on my client's experience with it.

This is wrongheaded Imo. Substitute csa for back surgery. He is too uncurious, and too comfortable right here. You talk about SH and SUI- that is not a correlative of back surgery and is dismissive/ invalidating .