Why did couple's counseling end? When your H would mention his perception of you being passive aggressive what did your counselor say and suggest? Telling the kids 'oh daddy's in trouble' seems passive aggressive in and of itself, why is he giving the very behavior that he raised concern about? I know that you cannot answer for him, pointing out the hypocrisy of it all. What parent couple doesn't have "come into the other room we need to talk" moments especially around holidays and birthdays? Was he trying to get them to think it had nothing to do with these events?
Life is too short for such inner home hostilities. Do you have date nights and do things to rekindle the bond and connection?