I can tell you I have been highly rewarded and decorated - yet I still have an incredibly low self-esteem with a correspondingly lacking of confidence.

I was raised that nothing less than achieving greatness was expected. I was not rewarded for the achievements I garnered but then instead punished for not receiving them. Consequently, a drive to succed at all costs was ingrained into me. And, despite the honours and awards that have come my way I am always thinking I wasn't good enough and less than perfect. What would my mother think and all. That.

Those accolades I have received though in no way are a measure of who I am. They are no measure of someone's true success in life. They are rather quite empty.

There has been an incredible downside to the need for appreciation and success - I have learned the behaviours of taking flight and avoidance. For every thing I have done well in in life, there would be something else I have not even tried or given up on. I have learned a 'why bother' attitude instead of a 'I will try my best' or 'I can do this' mindset.