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Originally Posted by Polibeth
LT,
I've mentioned before that I have a kid on the spectrum. If I was conversing as frequently and intimately as you do with your T, I would expect that he would tell me if I was under a mistaken impression. People who don't have kids on the spectrum do not know how hard that situation can be - only another ASD parent won't bat an eye if I talk about my son throwing scissors at a teacher and getting expelled (this was years ago).
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Thanks, it helps to hear that. The thing is, it does feel like T understands on a deep level what it's like to parent my D. It really feels like it's coming from a place of personal experience and empathy. He just...kind of changes when he's talking about autism or listening to me talk about experiences with D. He seems softer, more empathetic. I'm not sure how to explain it, beyond it just being a different vibe I get from him, something in his eyes and face. It seems that he just gets it. Which, along with his not denying it when I said what ex-T told me, is why I just assumed that his son is in fact on the spectrum (and honestly, I still think he is).
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Other parents ask stupid questions like "Did you teach him to throw scissors?"
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Wow, the cluelessness of some people is amazing...
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Your growth in dealing with these types of situations is improving so much.
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Thanks, that's nice to hear.
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I know others sometimes criticize your T - but I've always really liked him because it's clear that he is trying to learn how to effectively communicate with you and NOT treat you like ex-MC did - which caused a lot of turmoil. (I had my own personal version of your ex-MC in my life and the best thing I did was move on).
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Yes, it seems like my T is really trying to learn and help me as best he can. Has he messed up badly a few times? Sure. But, as you said (and as he's said), I think he's trying really hard to not replicate the mistakes that ex-MC made. He's trying to look out for my best interests. Maybe that means he isn't going to say the exact words "I care about you," even though I wish he would. But I can tell the caring is truly there, in his being so careful and thoughtful about certain things with me. Is he the best-equipped to deal with my various issues, particularly attachment and transference stuff? Yeah, probably not. But he seems to be trying to learn from and listen to me. And I think that's a really important quality in a T.
And sorry you had your own version of my ex-MC. I thought he was what I wanted and needed, and he clearly wasn't. I sometimes wonder if a big part of the reason I'm doing better now is in part that I'm away from him...that he was holding me back.