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The thing is, it does feel like T understands on a deep level what it's like to parent my D. It really feels like it's coming from a place of personal experience and empathy. He just...kind of changes when he's talking about autism or listening to me talk about experiences with D. He seems softer, more empathetic. I'm not sure how to explain it, beyond it just being a different vibe I get from him, something in his eyes and face. It seems that he just gets it. Which, along with his not denying it when I said what ex-T told me, is why I just assumed that his son is in fact on the spectrum (and honestly, I still think he is).
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Does it matter where his empathy comes from? It seems to me that the important factor is how you experience him in those moments, not what might be happening in his personal life which might make him empathetic. I think this is a clear example of you looking externally at him at the expense of looking to your internal life and emotional experience. Of course, he should be smart enough to redirect you, but he sounds too ham-fisted to be able to practice with the kind of subtlety which that approach would require.
I read you being pulled between wanting the removed and linear approach of your current therapist and craving the emotional connection of your previous therapist. You will often say that you benefit more from working with your current therapist, and yet a lot of your session analysis reads as you trying to re-write his intentions, feelings and approach. He shows you a clear and reasonable boundary - he won't discuss his son's medical issues - and yet you see this as evidence of his triggers, counter-transference, in fact anything more emotional than an appropriate professional barrier. He is relaxed about you looking for another therapist because he has very little emotional or personal investment in you. He is being professional, for better or for worse.
I don't intend any of this to be confrontational, I just wanted to feedback how I read some of your postings.