Quote:
Originally Posted by Wild Coyote
I am very sorry you parents action/inactions did not reflect your intrinsic worth. I do feel this can have a lifetime effect.
I live with similar memories. My father was a very violent man, taking his rage out on others via overt physical and psychological abuse. We'd lived in a very volatile home. My mother eventually saw her way clear to divorcing him. He was still violent and, often, sadistic during court-ordered unsupervised visitation. I was very traumatized by his behaviors.
I still cringe if/when I see a picture of him or experience other reminders of him. (He eventually took his own life.)
While our experiences are similar they are not exactly the same, I understand. I, in no way, mean to minimize your suffering.
I think your dad specifically targeting you with his abuse must have been very traumatizing. That's an understatement. Words escape me.
Despite our histories and the trauma, I happen to think we are both decent people. 
WC |
I'm so sorry to read you also had a violent father. Of course that he was so and also committed suicide would continue to affect you to this day. Maybe that is one of the things that brings us together.
My father was verbally and emotionally abusive to my sister to, but never hit her. My mother protected my sister from that. I feel most let down by my mother. I didn't have a loving relationship with either parent. I didn't know what it meant to have a good relationship with another person until I started working on it with my son, and even then it is a work in progress.
I also think spending a lot of time alone can make one start to think that one is worthless. I do feel abandoned by society. I'm not part of the fast paced professional world any more and failed to make lasting friends in my life. I can start to have really angry thoughts and just want the whole world to rip apart to still my emotional pain. Fortunately I was never in to self-harming but can see how some peopel can get addicted to it.