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Originally Posted by Xynesthesia
I don't think it can ever be easy and simple to draw very clear and steady lines if they decide to allow some emaling for free. What would be the rules? Character/work count per week? I doubt that would work out well. And what would constitute as a true need, crisis or whatever? As long as it has any freedom in it, I just can't see how to put super clear-cut boundaries on it other than work with it intuitively, but intuition will always be subjective and influenced by their own judgment.
What I did not find helpful in the past was when the T engaged in emaling with me in a very messy and defensive manner that clearly reflected their own mood and fluctuations more than anything else I could recognize either in myself or reasonable boundary fluidity. But if one wanted to make very clear rules, I doubt there is anything that cannot be questioned than not doing any between-sessions communication at all and making that clear from start. Otherwise it's always a two-way game. I think how a client perceives what goes on between sessions is influenced a lot by the Ts overall behavior, including how they are in session, and the client's own state as well.
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With my T, he says if it takes him less than 15 minutes to read and reply, he doesn’t charge. But that’s fairly subjective. There have been multiple exchanges back and forth that he hasn’t charged for, saying it didn’t take him that long (when I fully expected him to charge). And I asked at the end of last session, could he only give me long/paid response if I OK it in my email to him? Because I might send an email, thinking he’d provide brief reassurance, then “let’s discuss next session.” While he might think “oh she wants a long response to this.”
And something else I brought up is, a couple times he’s offered me email reply vs extra session, letting me choose (a difference is, insurance gives me no reimbursement for email). So it’s complicated...
Edited to add: Whrn ex-MC said I had to limit emails, I asked him for specific boundaries, like words per week. But he refused to give them to me. Which again left me without a clear definition of what was OK.