I have been in therapy once a week since last year in February when I tried to OD and obviously failed. IT was at that point that I was put on meds (again, as I had been on them before for depressin and quit going/taking). Shortly after that I was at my heighest weight 265. I decided that I was tired of hating my body and was going to do something about it, even if it killed me, after all that is what I am trying to do here. So I started running...a lot and then got hooked. I also started purging. I eat so my family thinks I am ok, but...I now weight 180. My weight stabilized for about 3 months, I hate it. I look in the mirror every day and I see a fat ugly pig. I see my self walk up to buildings glass doors and windows and see the same thing. My therpist has no idea what I am doing and I don't want to tell her because I am terrified that she will try to get me to stop and I don't want to because I am not happy yet. I know that I will never be happy...and in reality that is my choice.