I have tried to explain to others what it feels like to live in an abusive atmosphere my whole life. First as a child and then as an adult and then as a wife. No one listens People look the other way just like when I was a child.

I am past telling anyone how I feel. I am just numb now. I don't cry. I don't care. I do what I am told and make everyone happy. I am dead except for physically.

I am just tired. I don't have the energy for the simplest of things like a shower or clean clothes. If breathing were not automatic I am sure I would have passed by now.

I am taking the stupid medicines but they are not helping.More and more I am looking at things as if I am just watching and not a part of the whole picture at all. Its easier and easier to just go off into my mind. It is friendly and safe. I don't have to talk or explain or hurt. Maybe that is the better thing in the end. I don't think I want to be a part of the world anymore anyway. And the saddest part of all of this is that as long as I do all the things I am supposed to do NO ONE will even notice that I am not really there at all.