I'm here and I'm not sure where I'm headed. I feel so lost and alone and the sad thing is... I KNOW I AM NOT LOST AND I'M NOT ALONE... So why do I feel that way? I just want to climb into bed, curl up, pull the covers up over my head and just disappear forever...

I'm so tired of the pain, I'm tired of hurting, I'm tired of being afraid, and I'm tired of feeling as if nothing in this world really matters anymore. So, why can't I just let it all go and move on...?

I have spent probably 75% of my life or more in this state. You would think by know that I would have figured out that the magic wand just isn't there! But I can't help but want it. I want that magic wand circled above my head, give me a light tap and !! poof !! life is all better. Pretty silly, huh?

I have a husband of 21 years and 2 boys who all love me - and I still can't seem to get out of this depression. I feel like my entire life has been spent trying to "fix" me head.

Here come the tears... I'm sorry. I don't think this is going to work, maybe I'll try again another night.

KS