the last couple of days have mostly been good. i saw my therapist today and although i struggled to get to the point, i did get something out of the session. i hate ending up talking about small talk kind of stuff, but i struggle to talk openly with people.
i have a medical appointment later this week that i'm really anxious about. i feel like i can't be less vague online because i'm so scared anyone i know might read it and know it's me. sometimes seeing a dr is really triggering, and being touched in an exam fills me with sickening fear.
i've got nice stuff planned for this week but am getting increasingly nervous about the appointment. i keep thinking, what if it's so triggering that i can't let go of it and get depressed again? i've asked a friend to go with me. when i'm in a situation like that i usually end up trying to pretend i don't exist. i'm not sure if that is like purposefully trying to dissociate or something.