So my brothers mil is working with me on some questions. She teaches couples communication class. I thought I shared here and give you an opportunity to share.

What does it mean to me when I say I’m in a relationship?
It means I’m with that person , committed, devoted, constant, connected.

When I say intimate what does that mean to me?
It means close, caring, physical closeness, committed, permanent, daily, constant, emotional safety, connected, respectful, honest, genuine, warm and sincere. Heartfelt, earnest.

Writing this is making me [emoji22] I’m healthy and I know what healthy is. Intermittent reinforcement is very dangerous and destructive. Also being able to take space without being abandoned for doing so . That was probably my biggest problem in my relationship. I wasn’t allowed to take space without being threatened with abandonment. I think it’s fine if you need to take space if it’s a negotiation . Sometimes therapeutic separation is necessary. [emoji17] and communication is key. No threats of abandonment. If you know you’re in it, you’re in it, no “shape up or I’m out”. It’s take the time you’ll need, I’ll be right here when you get back. That’s what I need to hear! It takes two to build the relationship. [emoji23] I have no hope now.