Kiya, yes I tend to be a bit sarcastic, especially when I am acknowledging something about myself that I missed. One of the things I like best about this forum is that people will tell ya when you are blind to something. I viewed Jello's post as pointing out a hint of projection or transference in what I wrote. I didn't see until she pointed out a difference between my earlier posts and later post.

One of your comments struck me.. "who gave her this much license to care about me?! it freaks me out some." EXACTLY! Part of me likes the attention but another part just cannot stand it. Its like a stage light and I want desperately to move out of it sometimes. This reminds me of a characters in A Bugs Life...'the light..the light..zap!" My T's attention doesn't just freak me out some; it freaks me out a lot.

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Flowerb said:
so to have someone see the need and be so tender about it - that made me feel safe.

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Yes, this is an unusual experience for me too. I've had people do kind things for me before, but not... stuff targeted at the deeper me. I don't know what it is that make it different. Only instead of feeling safe, I feel confused, not sure how to take it, ..skeptical. Even though when I look at the whole picture logically I should be feeling safe and very cared for. It doesn't make sense to me.

Sunrise, I will ask her about how she defines ego states. I've just been reluctant to ask because I don't want her to think I am analyzing everything SHE does. I am very curious about the process and methods used in therapy. And more recently, how shes figured out what I want at times when I don't even know what I want. Obviously I'm communicating more than I think I'm communicating.

I can also see me getting caught up in this and not actually experiencing therapy. I frequently find myself asking, why did she ask that question?, what was she looking for?, why did she handle this issue this way and not the way I anticipated? Was I wrong for anticipating?.... I am trying hard not to turn therapy into an academic exercise. I'm uncomfortable just chilling out and experiencing interactions. I'm trying hard (but unsuccessfully) to just accept and experience.