Good day everyone. I've been suffering from OCD since I was 14 but I never knew. But it became worse when I was 17. It all started on the 27th of December, 2016 when my cousin told me "**** you". Immediately he said that word, I started thinking about another phrase, "**** God". I didn't initiate this thinking, the thought came out from nowhere. I knew that this kind of thought wanted to enter my head, but I tried to suppress it because it was a blasphemous thought. How'd a Christian be thinking about a blasphemous statement? But the thought still came eventually.
I'm a Christian and my belief was so strong in God to the point of being afraid of him. So I didn't want to do anything to displease him. Anytime the thought comes, I'd leave anything I was doing and focus all my attention on the thought, trying to eliminate it from my head.
It created fear, panic and anxiety in me anytime this thought enters my head. I was really afraid that God would destroy me. And this thought enters my head almost every minute without my permission!
To cut the long story short, my future looks so bleak right now because I can't read anymore. I have no motivation, drive or purpose. I'm just here laying in waste.
OCD has devastated my life.