Hello LookingBeyond: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral. Two additional forums, here on PC, that may be of interest would be the partners of people & caregivers forum & the relationships forum. Here are links to these forums:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/rela...communication/

https://forums.psychcentral.com/part...ivers-support/

We here on PC cannot offer mental health diagnoses. And, besides, I'm not a mental health professional anyway. In order for your husband (& you) to know what is going on with him, he is going to have to seek out mental health services in my opinion. I know you wrote your husband cannot take med's due to his job. But perhaps he could see a mental health therapist or a psychologist? Talking with a mental health professional might go a long way toward helping your husband to figure of what is going on & what to do about it. Here's a link to PsychCentral's Find a Therapist site plus a link to a series of articles on how to find a good therapist:

Find a Therapist

How to Find a Good Therapist

On the surface, at least, it sounds as though what your husband may be struggling with may be depression. So here are links to 7 articles from PC's archives on the subject of treating depression, depression in men, & the impact of depression on relationships:

Depression Treatment

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/depression/

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/d...ression-guide/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/depress...u-might-think/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/helping...ression/?all=1

https://psychcentral.com/blog/10-thi...le-depression/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-de...at-you-can-do/

My best wishes to you & your husband.